Here is the 18th installation of my PCT trail journal (about two weeks off the present timeline as a safety precaution).

I made a really tough decision when I got to Agua Dulce with my friends. I decided that I was going to head home early. I haven’t yet decided if I’ll get back on after Thanksgiving, or if this is it until next year.

Follow my thruhike in section-by-section blog posts, or in daily posts on Instagram or Facebook (@JustAGirlAndABackpack.Blog). Please attribute all spelling/grammar errors to autocorrect and exhaustion at the end of the day.

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Statistics for the second part of my journey are as follows:

Statistics for this section (Hughes Lake to Agua Dulce) are as follows:

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PCT 2021 Series: Sunday November 7, mile 2182.2 to mile 2197, (14.8 miles, day 37)

Blake had promised to wake me up, but I woke up naturally before he came over, so I started my day a little early.

The whole day I was wrestling with a decision that I had to make before we got to the car: am I going to keep hiking for a few more days (and figure out how to get back then to see David and celebrate Thanksgiving), or am I going to get a ride home with Smiley and Chuckwalla? I honestly was having so much trouble coming up with a solidly convincing reason to stay or go; my brain is so ambivalent and indecisive most of the time, it makes decision making impossible.

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The day started out pretty chilly, but we quickly stripped our layers off.

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The bright greens of the manzanitas on the backdrop of the deeper greens of the chemise were a constant source of amazement for all of us.

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Smiley and Chuckwalla were a little bit low on water, so we had to hoof it to get to a cache that they were really hoping still had water in it. There was a large lake in the distance that was teasing us as they ran out of water but couldn’t access it.

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We made the mistake of not filling up fully on water at the cache, trying to leave some for other people, but the next water source was a sulfurey box full of rotting debris. I filtered it, bleached it, and put a LOT of Gatorade powder in it and the flavor and smell was still awful. This is hands down and by far the grossest water I’ve had to drink. The worst part is, something must have recently made it really gross, because there were no comments on Guthooks saying anything negative about the source, and thru hikers love to share their opinions, so if something had been wrong, someone would have said something.

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Blake made the secondary mistake of not getting water when I did, because about ten minutes later a few ladies with a dog came by, and the dog immediately ran to the source and canon balled into it, spraying water and mud everywhere, and stirring up the rotting matter. The water before was gross, but at least all the chunks were settled at the bottom and the water looked clear. After the dog, the water was opaque and even more disgusting. The ladies were very friendly, but I don’t think they realized that the water was also a human source 🙁

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The trail continued through a burn zone that looked down on the town of Agua Dulce in the distance. It’s always impressive to be able to see your end-goal for the day, and to know that the distance that looks so incredibly far away, is really quite close in the grand scheme of things, if you can walk it in a few hours!

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The crispy yucca plants looked like funky pineapples, and I was enjoying them immensely; they’re actually in the same family I found out later, so that’s not entirely surprising that I would make the connection.

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Chuckwalla is the biggest gear nerd I know, so we spent some time talking about different gear. It’s kind of cool that since I’ve done the PCT I can now keep up with him on a lot of the popular gear, and even have some practical experience with it.

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This last stretch into town was burnt to a crisp and road walking, so not very exciting in the blazing sun, but we eventually pulled up next to the car on the outskirts of Agua Dulce.

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While my amazing trail angels were changing into their car clothes, I sat on the ground and tried to make a decision: should I stay or should I go?

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Reasons to stay: (1) I can get another 90 to 150 miles in, which would put me that much closer to Mexico with less than 350mi to go; (2) with all of the socialization, I’d probably be in a better mental space; (3) seems like an anticlimactic place to finish the trail that I’ve been on for almost 5 months and hiked nearly 1100 miles on; (4) although my mental health on trail has been a mess lately, post-trail depression is real and will whack me upside the head the moment I get off for good, so delaying that disaster might be a good idea; (5) I’m not sure I’ll have enough money to hike with Chuckwalla next year; (6) I’ve been working towards this goal for so long, and it really feels like I failed.

Reasons to go: (1) that still leaves 350mi for after Thanksgiving–if I can even motivate myself to get back on trail; (2) literally everyone would be off trail by that point, since everyone I knew of was either recently finished or less than 100miles out; (3) finding a ride back to the Bay from south of Los Angeles would be difficult; (4) my shins kind of hurt and I didn’t want to strain them more; (5) Chuckwalla is hiking in 2022 and needs a partner, so I could come back and try again; (6) I’m already getting off-trail in less than a week, so what’s a few more days?; (7) I can easily use this as a learning experience to share on my blog; (8) I can use my current failure as a reason to try to do the PCT again in the future.

I eventually settled on heading home with my friends, and we drove back to the Bay. We grabbed Starbucks (Smiley’s favorite) and Domino’s (my favorite), and the ride went really easily.

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PCT 2021 Series: Saturday November 6, mile 2164.8 to mile 2182.2, +1.4 to try to find umbrella (15.8 miles, day 36)

I spent the morning packing up and eating leftover pizza while making a few final adjustments to my blog before we got going at 8:15am to meet Chuckwalla, Smiley and Raven (That’s his real name! No trail name yet) in Santa Clarita.

I am so grateful to my hosts for how amazing they are to me, and for making me laugh constantly during this time when I’ve been so lonely and having a hard time seeing the good and fun in the world.

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I moved my stuff to Chuckwalla’s car and we dropped it off at the trailhead in Agua Dulce before packing into Raven’s Prius and heading to the trailhead near Hughes Lake where I had gotten off a few days prior.

We took selfies near a PCT sign, and I foolishly tried to balance on top of it and jarred my ankle and knees on the awkward landing.

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We were joking around trying to come up with trail names for Raven and I settled on Crow as a good one. We also considered other names like Kevin and John, since his name already sounds like a trail name. Crow is a really nice guy from my year that I worked with at UCSB, and who is friends with Blake. He’s a little newer to backpacking, so we had to walk him through leave no trace for waste management (ie rules for digging catholes).

I seem to be the only one who knows what poison oak looks like, so I really hope that nobody gets it, since everyone was brushing against it today.

We spent a few hours chatting and having fun before Raven had to turn around and head back, since he has work on Sunday.

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The rest of us continued on towards water that was about 8mi in at a fire station, but came across a station set up for the ultra marathon that was happening. They greeted us like heroes, offering water and snacks and shade while asking lots of questions. We helped them cheer on the runners that were arriving and departing the station. One of the gals, Charlie, even insisted on taking a selfie with me! It’s amazing how I can spend weeks feeling completely alone in the world, and then the day that my friends come to hike with me we see almost 50 people! Wild.

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Then we continued on for .7mi uphill before I realized that my sun umbrella wasn’t in the side pocket of my pack. I decided to drop my stuff and jog (yes, jog. What on earth was I thinking? I had a stitch in my side and my shins started hurting almost immediately) down the trail back to the water tent to see if it had fallen out down there, and two of the amazing cheering team offered to run a mile or so up the trail in the other direction to see if they could find it. No luck 🙁

I headed back up to where Smiley and Chuckwalla were waiting, precariously balanced on the eroding side of the mountain below the trail, trying to stay out of the runners’ ways.

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We kept hiking, my pack a little lighter unfortunately. The three of us always have a good time when we’re together, so I had a smile on my face constantly.

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I think that we were moving at a faster pace than I normally do alone, because I started feeling that discomfort in my right shin that had me worrying about shin splints (before I got shin splints in WA, my natural pace was a lot faster, but I’ve slowed down some as preventative maintenance).

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Sunset was lovely and we made it to camp as the last pink was in the sky and the sliver of moon looked so perfect next to the glowing white clouds. Chuckwalla had been aiming for a specific site that he had camped in before, which turned out to be a half flat area cleared out within some oak trees and surrounded by poison oak. I chose a spot a little down the trail from them that was flatter, and we set up separately. When I was ready (before Chuckwalla had even put a single stake in the ground! Clearly trekking pole tents are better than tarps :P) I joined them to eat dinner.

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It was surprisingly chilly in comparison to the last week or so, and Smiley and Chuckwalla weren’t quite prepared for the temps. Smiley and I shared a hot cocoa before they were ready to get into their cozy quilts and hit the hay.

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Thank you so much for reading! What memory comes to mind when you think of making the difficult decision to quit something that meant a lot to you? Comment below!